One year Ago...

Right about this time last year we were already checked into the hospital in Indy, I was dilating well and my water broke pretty early in the morning yet. Our great friends Stephanie and Shannon were also in a hospital here in Fort Wayne getting ready to have their baby girl, Ava. David and Shannon were busy texting all day to say who was further along and who would be here first, Tristan or Ava. Of course, at that time we did not know yet whether we were having a boy or a girl. So some of our conversation was about baby names. We had a girl name but could not quite decide on a boy name. As the day went on, we lost the race and Ava beat Tristan into the world by just a few hours. And we came up with a plan. If the baby was a boy and came out with dark hair he would be Bryce; if he came out with no hair or a lighter color (blond,red) he would be called Tristan. We patiently waited...I vividly remember David getting a big sandwich for lunch and eating it right in front of me while I could only have ice chips... :) And we continued to wait... I also remember David almost fainting when I got the epidural. My sister Rachel arrives later in the day and being the nurse that she is, she is ready to answer any request I would have. We continue to wait...
The hours went on, we pushed and pushed and eventually we ended up going in for a C-section. So much of this is a blur but our baby was here in moments and I recall them saying "It's a Boy" before wisking him away to a side room so the NICU doctors and cardiologists could look him over. I was prepared for that as we had previously discussed exactly how the delivery would go to ensure the highest level of safety for the baby. David flashed me a glance as if to say "Are you ok if I go and see him?" I say "GO, GO - get pictures!"; he goes next door and I can faintly hear our baby crying and people talking. I continue to lay there as the doctors finish with me and after what feels like forever one of the doctors brings the baby into the room all wrapped up and in a cap to keep warm. They are only able to hold him up so I can see him - I am not yet able to touch or kiss my baby, only to see his perfect little face.
As he is off to the NICU for further testing, I am rolled back to my room for recovery. The drugs have taken a toll on me and I am feeling good but pretty fuzzy mentally. David and I have a few minutes to talk and he shows me the pictures of our new baby boy. To my surprise - he has red in his hair! This comes straight from his grandma Horacek who has a strawberry blond color hair - you may even notice red in David's beard from time to time. So - The decision is made - he will be called Tristan David Horacek.
So much of this story is similar to most other delivery stories you hear. At times I think I even tried to pretend it was a typical delivery - to keep my sanity leading up to his arrival. And today I am reminiscing about the day our baby came into the world just like other parents do. I am trying really hard to just see that...to just see the excitement we had...to just see 'normal' things and the happy or even humorous events of that day...to just stay positive like I did a year ago. But no matter what I do, no amount of positivity or pretending will bring my baby back to me. It cannot take me back to that special day...
But for today, we remember, we honor and we recognize the birth and life of Tristan. We may not be having a party as we would have hoped but we will be sending you balloons my sweety... You will always be my Sunshine!