Happy 3rd Birthday Tristan

We stopped over to see you today as we do often. Only today was different, today was your 3rd Birthdsy. I miss you so much and every time I look at your little brother I think about how big you would be and how much fun you guys would have together. I will never forget the first time I held you in my arms and can't wait to do it again in Heaven. Continue to watch over us and visit us in our dreams. We miss you so much and no matter what life will never be the same without you here with us. Our family will never be complete. Happy 3rd Birthdsy my son. One day my tears of sadness will be replaced with tears of joy when I'm holding you again.

Our Boys!

Braxton will become very comfortable here with Tristan. We will raise him to praise Tristan as his big brother and that they will meet in Heaven.

Tristan becomes a big brother

Braxton David Horacek was born 9/5, 7lb 8 0z and 20 inches long. He is a healthy baby boy and looks just like his older brother. We are so blessed to have had 2 amazing baby boys.

Tristan will be the perfect big brother always watching over Braxton.

Another Year Passes..

It is hard to believe that Tristan has been away from us for 2 years. Someday's it feels like just yesterday since we held him in our arms. If you have a child give them a hug for Tristan. He is the most inspiring little boy I have ever met; I was just lucky enough to be his father. Remember when you are running late and need to be somewhere fast to take your time, smile to the ones you are leaving and let them know you care about them and their Friendship/Love. Life is short and you never know when that chance will come again.

This is a poem that Sarah heard that she really liked. We love you Tristan and not a moment goes bye that we don't miss you.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Love always,

Mom and Dad

Tristan Turns Two!!

Although it seems like just yesterday Tristan was born, today was his 2nd Birthday. Not a day goes bye that we do not miss him deeply. I cannot count the amount of times I get home and want to post on his blog but can't. I don't know what to say, don't know what to do. My thoughts are scattered and at times my heart is broken. We will see you again one day in Heaven my son. Until that day please visit me in my dreams.

Love always and Happy Birthday!

Mom and Dad

Merry Christmas

Although I think about something to add to the blog everyday as you can see it doesn't get added. Today however I needed to add something. It is Christmas day and although it seems now Christmas is all about presents and gifts, family is what occupies my mind. I think about how if it wasn't for God giving us his only son I would not have been able to hold my only son. And if Jesus wasn't born there would be no possible way I would see Tristan again. I know there is a Heaven and God does watch over us. If he did not take care of us I would not be here. As Sarah and I go through this difficult holiday season we remember what great things we have been blessed with and the memories we have of blessing that are no longer here. I try hard not to complain or be upset and lonely but that's what happens when you lose something you truly love. What I want for Christmas is for the people that are going through tough times and people that truly hurt to say a prayer. Ask for help because no matter what the situation is God will help you get through it. He has blessed me with two angels. One I live with and the other is waiting for me in Heaven.

God Bless everyone and Merry Christmas.

We miss you Tristan.

Why Tristan?

As the 1 year anniversary of Tristan slowly crept up our emotions and minds started to wonder as always. I didn't think about him any more than normal because thoughts of him typically occupy me throughout every day. The only difference was instead of seeing his face, hair, smile in other 13 month children I started to think, why? I have never said "why us" or "what did Sarah and I do to deserve this"? God does not keep tabs of good and bad. If you are truly sorry you will be forgiven. But the thought in the front of my mind has been, "why Tristan"? Tristan was perfect. He had a problem with the mechanics of his heart but that was him. He took what he had and he fought as hard as he could for those 54 days. He proved to me you can do anything and everything you do directly effects other people. Was Tristan sent to us to touch hundreds of lives showing his toughness and perseverance? Was Tristan sent to show us how much you can truly love someone and how a family built with love can work through anything with the help of God and their faith. What I think is that Tristan was "chosen" by God to bypass the "normal world". To come down and make an immediate impact in every life he could possible touch, proving each day is a gift and the only guarantee of life is life in Heaven. Sarah and I now understand that. We are just here on earth to touch others. Maybe it is the smile in the morning to the person watering the lawn or opening the door for someone at work. Tristan taught us it is the simple things that mean the most. We saw Tristan's emotions, temper and improving motor skills within 2 months. For the time he was with us Sarah was there for everything. Anything I missed she would relay over the phone. I felt like I was their too. How many other parents get a chance to see all those things within 2 months? Not a lot. Life is busy, too busy at times. But why? Work is work and I had to be back which I still beat myself up about missing time with Tristan. But you cannot change that. I needed to work so we had the resources to pay for Tristan's medical bills when he came home. We did not stress at all about money. Tristan is what we cared about. It is amazing what you can do away with in order to have what you truly care about.

Today for us and for Tristan we want any parent out there to hold their child. Tell them you love them, hug them like they are the most important thing to you. Because although you know they are, sometimes if means more if you put your plans aside and focus on what means the most. The family right in front of you. I can see Tristan's smile right now. When I would get there on Friday' he would smile when he could see me. How many times do you brush off those smiles to catch a TV show?

Tristan,

We know you are in Heaven where we are not even a thought. Time is standing still until we get there to hold you again. But down here you are part of our lives every second of every day. We made another garden for you. It is very nice and very colorful. We go and visit you everyday at your bed too. We talk about our day as a family, just as if you were home. Your cousin Jordan even won his baseball tournament 2 weeks ago. Jordan and Mitchell love you and miss you too. Have sweet dreams my little man, Tristan. Before we know it our dreams will become a reality and we will be holding you in Heaven.

Love you always,

Mom and Dad.